my attention span is nil today.
my poor aching body...someone needs to come give me a massage! now. or not... at least i get to sleep in tomorrow. oh watch, i'll get the chance to sleep in, and i'll be wide awake at 5am. i bet i will... oh vell, then i'll just stay in my jammies till i have to go. i'll go wake everyone else up 5 minutes before their alarms go offf! hehehee... i know, i'm malicious... lol.
i should go make dinner... i hate whiners. hehehe...oh lard! i am one. dammit.
i'm gonna go now... what in Dog's name should i make for dinner, huh? oh who knows. it shall be wonderfull... they don't care anyway. ingrates! okay, i'm off.
Mood:sore and unappreciated...
Music:lars friedrickson and the bastards...and rancid...
Monday, April 30, 2001
Sunday, April 29, 2001
i don't feel much like thinking, but i wanted to enter something...bored as hell. anyway, so i kiped this survey from...oh... this tinytassa chick. thanks, love.
1. Name: Elise McKenna Abbygale Bassett Hudson
2. Were you named after anyone? um, yeah. Elise McKenna was the name of Jane Seymour's character in "Somewhere in Time", and Abbygale was the name of my biological father's girlfriend.
3. Do you wish on stars? as a childish habit of desperation, yeah, sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? a while ago...
5. If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? buttercup from powerpuff girls.
6. Do you like your handwriting? i serves me well.
7. What are the # 1 priorities in your life? conquering all...it may take bloodshed, but we all have a price to pay...
8. What is your favorite lunch? diet coke. ahh, routine.
9. Any bad habits? hehe...yeah.
10. What store would you never be caught dead in? i don't shop much, but i don't limit myself as to which store i will and will not go into. if i find what i need, i don't care where i got it from.
11. If you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? no, probably not, too much competition...and i am too moody. i hate that.
12. Are you a daredevil? i can be, when the mood strikes. why? whatcha planning?
13. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? no, not really. i am concerned with myself sometimes, but i can deal.
14. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't? yeah, but i felt bad afterwards...
15. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah, i...add to #9...
16. Do looks matter? ideally i'd love to say no, but yeah...it's what you notice about a person first...well, in real life. i don't disassociate myself with a person just because they aren't pretty, but most people do gravitate towards people they find somewhat attractive.
17. Do you pray? when i feel the need to, though it's probably closely related to #3.
18. Have you ever met anyone famous? no, not that i recall... the future famous perhaps. my friends are destined for greatness.
19. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? um...considering it's an optical illusion and not tangible, i highly doubt it...but hey, ya neva know...
20. Are you trendy? nope!
21. Are you passive or aggressive? passive/aggressive. i am ambiguous. i am also fond of love/hate.
22. Who is your idol? don't have one. i'd rather work on becoming my own. and yours.
23. Who is your second family? my first one is extensive enough, why have two?
24. There is no 24: is that like there is no 13th floor? how silly.
25. What was your favorite toy as a child? g.i. joe.
26. Have you ever been on radio or television? yeah. yippy skippy.
27. Ever kissed your friends (girl-boy) friend? yes...damn urges...
28. Do you have a journal? hu uh
29. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? yep. i feel much guilt every time i do though...
30. Do you like sarcasm? nah. i feel that people should just say what they are thinking straight out, without playing all of these mind games. *coughcough*
31. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? nah.
32.Do you feel understood most of the time? i don't understand me most of the time. that would be so boring anyway.
33. Do you know what `xylom` is? a fictitious word used to make the person filling out the survey feel inadequate. or a typo. xylem is woody tissue of plants.
34. Do you have a nickname? kennapea, little sister, kenna, ken, lisie...kennapea is the current...
35. Could you be a vegetarian? if i tried, yeah. but i don't want to be.
36. Would you ever bungee jump? it's doubtful. there are more fun ways to get a rush.
37. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? nope, i wear boots with zippers.
38. What are you worried about right now? too much to get into right now...actually, i was filling out this mindless survey to distract myself from all of that, but i guess that didn't work, now did it? thanks! *coughcough* this is a small addition to question #30...
39. Do you ever wear overalls? oh lard, no.
40. Do you think you are strong? in comparison to what standards? i am strong enough to suit me..
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? i don't eat ice cream all that often...but vanilla is okay.
42. What class in school is a useless Class? there are no useless classes...all class are in place to benefit someone. people have different interests and priorities, so there needs to be a wide variety of classes to insure that everyone has the opportunity to get the education they need to succeed in life. then again, outdoor education was pretty fucked up.
43. Have you ever been in love? i have been in a state that i took for love at the time...lots of times...but i was mistaken. silly me.
44. Have you ever had your heart broken? yep. lots... but hey, "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger", right? right?? yeah, right.
taadaaa...yeah.
Mood: predatory
Music:sublime
1. Name: Elise McKenna Abbygale Bassett Hudson
2. Were you named after anyone? um, yeah. Elise McKenna was the name of Jane Seymour's character in "Somewhere in Time", and Abbygale was the name of my biological father's girlfriend.
3. Do you wish on stars? as a childish habit of desperation, yeah, sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? a while ago...
5. If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? buttercup from powerpuff girls.
6. Do you like your handwriting? i serves me well.
7. What are the # 1 priorities in your life? conquering all...it may take bloodshed, but we all have a price to pay...
8. What is your favorite lunch? diet coke. ahh, routine.
9. Any bad habits? hehe...yeah.
10. What store would you never be caught dead in? i don't shop much, but i don't limit myself as to which store i will and will not go into. if i find what i need, i don't care where i got it from.
11. If you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? no, probably not, too much competition...and i am too moody. i hate that.
12. Are you a daredevil? i can be, when the mood strikes. why? whatcha planning?
13. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? no, not really. i am concerned with myself sometimes, but i can deal.
14. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't? yeah, but i felt bad afterwards...
15. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah, i...add to #9...
16. Do looks matter? ideally i'd love to say no, but yeah...it's what you notice about a person first...well, in real life. i don't disassociate myself with a person just because they aren't pretty, but most people do gravitate towards people they find somewhat attractive.
17. Do you pray? when i feel the need to, though it's probably closely related to #3.
18. Have you ever met anyone famous? no, not that i recall... the future famous perhaps. my friends are destined for greatness.
19. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? um...considering it's an optical illusion and not tangible, i highly doubt it...but hey, ya neva know...
20. Are you trendy? nope!
21. Are you passive or aggressive? passive/aggressive. i am ambiguous. i am also fond of love/hate.
22. Who is your idol? don't have one. i'd rather work on becoming my own. and yours.
23. Who is your second family? my first one is extensive enough, why have two?
24. There is no 24: is that like there is no 13th floor? how silly.
25. What was your favorite toy as a child? g.i. joe.
26. Have you ever been on radio or television? yeah. yippy skippy.
27. Ever kissed your friends (girl-boy) friend? yes...damn urges...
28. Do you have a journal? hu uh
29. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? yep. i feel much guilt every time i do though...
30. Do you like sarcasm? nah. i feel that people should just say what they are thinking straight out, without playing all of these mind games. *coughcough*
31. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? nah.
32.Do you feel understood most of the time? i don't understand me most of the time. that would be so boring anyway.
33. Do you know what `xylom` is? a fictitious word used to make the person filling out the survey feel inadequate. or a typo. xylem is woody tissue of plants.
34. Do you have a nickname? kennapea, little sister, kenna, ken, lisie...kennapea is the current...
35. Could you be a vegetarian? if i tried, yeah. but i don't want to be.
36. Would you ever bungee jump? it's doubtful. there are more fun ways to get a rush.
37. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? nope, i wear boots with zippers.
38. What are you worried about right now? too much to get into right now...actually, i was filling out this mindless survey to distract myself from all of that, but i guess that didn't work, now did it? thanks! *coughcough* this is a small addition to question #30...
39. Do you ever wear overalls? oh lard, no.
40. Do you think you are strong? in comparison to what standards? i am strong enough to suit me..
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? i don't eat ice cream all that often...but vanilla is okay.
42. What class in school is a useless Class? there are no useless classes...all class are in place to benefit someone. people have different interests and priorities, so there needs to be a wide variety of classes to insure that everyone has the opportunity to get the education they need to succeed in life. then again, outdoor education was pretty fucked up.
43. Have you ever been in love? i have been in a state that i took for love at the time...lots of times...but i was mistaken. silly me.
44. Have you ever had your heart broken? yep. lots... but hey, "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger", right? right?? yeah, right.
taadaaa...yeah.
Mood: predatory
Music:sublime
silly
i missed my computer. i just got home. a whole evening was just too long to be away...hehehe... how pathetic.
okay, here goes my commentary on prom. prom was....hmmm...hehe. it was silly. some people were taking it so seriously. it's high school prom, for christs sake! calm the hell down. i was being "immature" evidently...
oh! and, i was in between 30-50 pictures yesterday alone. it was horrifying. oh well...i guess i survived...maybe... it may be too soon to tell. the pictures haven't been developed yet.
next: joseph. he was such a gentleman. overly so. not that i like complete ass-holes or anything like that, but...it is possible to be too polite. it really is. i mentioned that i should get something to drink, and he sprinted off to go get me a diet coke, as in, he pays attention to what i drink. or he's trying to tell me something...hmmm... no. then, erin ordered (yes, ordered) him to go find tanya, so he set his cup down and went to search for her. he...i don't know. all that chivalry makes me uncomfortable. perhaps i'm just not used to it... i don't know. he's very sweet though. how can i say anything bad about someone who tries so hard. so hard to what, though? please me? ha. why? *enter cynicism*...
okay, next topic... erin and soosin were the hottest things there! oh my blessed word! if they weren't friends, i might have made a move on them... =) ya never know! hehe.
hmm...next... after! i love rum and coke. i wish i hadn't had those three cups of battery-acid-style coffee before-hand, though... that much caffeine along with the drink was...well, fun really, but yeah...hehe. i guess the coffee was a nice touch. tasted horrid though...
oh man, i'm tired...i think i'm gonna go take a nap... so. yeah. i'm done writing. bye.
Mood: tired
Music:nonnnnee...silence is grand
okay, here goes my commentary on prom. prom was....hmmm...hehe. it was silly. some people were taking it so seriously. it's high school prom, for christs sake! calm the hell down. i was being "immature" evidently...
oh! and, i was in between 30-50 pictures yesterday alone. it was horrifying. oh well...i guess i survived...maybe... it may be too soon to tell. the pictures haven't been developed yet.
next: joseph. he was such a gentleman. overly so. not that i like complete ass-holes or anything like that, but...it is possible to be too polite. it really is. i mentioned that i should get something to drink, and he sprinted off to go get me a diet coke, as in, he pays attention to what i drink. or he's trying to tell me something...hmmm... no. then, erin ordered (yes, ordered) him to go find tanya, so he set his cup down and went to search for her. he...i don't know. all that chivalry makes me uncomfortable. perhaps i'm just not used to it... i don't know. he's very sweet though. how can i say anything bad about someone who tries so hard. so hard to what, though? please me? ha. why? *enter cynicism*...
okay, next topic... erin and soosin were the hottest things there! oh my blessed word! if they weren't friends, i might have made a move on them... =) ya never know! hehe.
hmm...next... after! i love rum and coke. i wish i hadn't had those three cups of battery-acid-style coffee before-hand, though... that much caffeine along with the drink was...well, fun really, but yeah...hehe. i guess the coffee was a nice touch. tasted horrid though...
oh man, i'm tired...i think i'm gonna go take a nap... so. yeah. i'm done writing. bye.
Mood: tired
Music:nonnnnee...silence is grand
Friday, April 27, 2001
VAPID
oh crap. i have to pick up my flowers, alter my dress, go tanning, and other girlish type things to get ready for prom tomorrow. okay, so here's the plan so far:
*go out to dinner with joseph to olive garden or something
*go to the prom
*enjoy the ambiance...*coughcough*
*go to denny's to meet erin, soosin, erica and darren...
*get dropped off at home
*humor my parents in their questioning..."did you have fun?" "did you dance?" clever crap like that...
*get dropped off at Tanya's and enjoy the rest of the evening... =)
i can't wait to get dropped off! oh...i feel badly for my little escort boy... hehe oh vell. i think i may be getting a little too excited, but you know what? fuck that! i'm gonna have fun! or make my own fun... muahaha!
Mood: bouncy
Music:davematthewsbandiebandiebandie
*go out to dinner with joseph to olive garden or something
*go to the prom
*enjoy the ambiance...*coughcough*
*go to denny's to meet erin, soosin, erica and darren...
*get dropped off at home
*humor my parents in their questioning..."did you have fun?" "did you dance?" clever crap like that...
*get dropped off at Tanya's and enjoy the rest of the evening... =)
i can't wait to get dropped off! oh...i feel badly for my little escort boy... hehe oh vell. i think i may be getting a little too excited, but you know what? fuck that! i'm gonna have fun! or make my own fun... muahaha!
Mood: bouncy
Music:davematthewsbandiebandiebandie
Thursday, April 26, 2001
ks;ladjdfaslkfucka;lskjfoiwejw
i want to say so much, but i can't put any of it into words and phrases. there's so much going on in my head, and i can't get it out. *hack head open with an axe*
or not. i sort of wish it was that simple, albeit messy.
i have no fitting words.
this is too frustrating, i'm gonna go make tea and read.
Mood:explosive
Music:radiohead
or not. i sort of wish it was that simple, albeit messy.
i have no fitting words.
this is too frustrating, i'm gonna go make tea and read.
Mood:explosive
Music:radiohead
Wednesday, April 25, 2001
yes, it's another damned survey...shudup, i'm bored
~I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see: I see:...hehe, you asked...
~I need: nothing right now...well, nothing new anyway...
~I find: the fact that no one is on to talk to me rather depressing...*pouts*
~I want: to go play in the rain, but there is none.
~I have: a bit of a cold? maybe i shouldn't play in the rain anymore...
~I wish: i had a pony...yes, that can be a euphemism.
~I love:...that's rather personal! but you would know that...
~I hate: feeling numb.
~I miss: feeling loved, really loved, by someone i feel the same about.
~I fear: being invisible...
~I feel: way too much.
~I hear: the television in the other room...and my cat yawning. he's so cute.
~I smell: the cat, damned cat...and candles and paint.
~I crave: you.
~I search: and search and search until i've forgotten what i was looking for...i do that way too often.
~I wonder:...oh god, don't get me started...there's a lot in my head right now...
~I regret: nothing. why should i waste my time like that? i don't bother.
~When was the last time you ...
~Smiled?: a few minute ago.
~Laughed? : all the time...teehee
~Cried? : last night...
~Bought something?: i bought lunch at...er....lunch time. and a diet coke!
~Danced? : it's been a while...here *dances* there! happy now?
~Were sarcastic? : gee, i dunnooo...i'm not really the sarcastic type...*cough* there
~Kissed someone? : too long ago...then again, i suppose it's always "too long ago" *blushes* why? are ya offering?
~Talked to an ex? : about a week ago...i'm some sort of personal therepist..."i'll take away your problems"...i'm not complaining though. i like helping those i love when i can.
~Watched your favorite movie? : i don't have A favorite...so, yesterday is close enough...
~Had a nightmare? : a couple nights ago...*shudder*
~Last book you read: the vampire armand-anne rice...beautiful story.
~Last movie you saw: trainspotting...yesterday.
~Last song you heard: one by missy elliot
~Last thing you had to drink: tea...mmmmm
~Last time you showered: this mornin'...why does that sound like a pick-up line to me?
~Last thing you ate: cheerios and honey in a mug...
(survey lovingly stolen from souphead)
that first half reminds me of those "i am" poems we had to do in 8th grade english, sophomore english, creative writing, and psychology...i feel a need to cut pictures out of a magazine...yeah, or not. anyhow, taadaa...okay no more surveys, i promise. no, i don't, but no more for a while at least. okay, bye.
Mood:like i'm on hold for something
Music:bjork-homogenic
~I need: nothing right now...well, nothing new anyway...
~I find: the fact that no one is on to talk to me rather depressing...*pouts*
~I want: to go play in the rain, but there is none.
~I have: a bit of a cold? maybe i shouldn't play in the rain anymore...
~I wish: i had a pony...yes, that can be a euphemism.
~I love:...that's rather personal! but you would know that...
~I hate: feeling numb.
~I miss: feeling loved, really loved, by someone i feel the same about.
~I fear: being invisible...
~I feel: way too much.
~I hear: the television in the other room...and my cat yawning. he's so cute.
~I smell: the cat, damned cat...and candles and paint.
~I crave: you.
~I search: and search and search until i've forgotten what i was looking for...i do that way too often.
~I wonder:...oh god, don't get me started...there's a lot in my head right now...
~I regret: nothing. why should i waste my time like that? i don't bother.
~When was the last time you ...
~Smiled?: a few minute ago.
~Laughed? : all the time...teehee
~Cried? : last night...
~Bought something?: i bought lunch at...er....lunch time. and a diet coke!
~Danced? : it's been a while...here *dances* there! happy now?
~Were sarcastic? : gee, i dunnooo...i'm not really the sarcastic type...*cough* there
~Kissed someone? : too long ago...then again, i suppose it's always "too long ago" *blushes* why? are ya offering?
~Talked to an ex? : about a week ago...i'm some sort of personal therepist..."i'll take away your problems"...i'm not complaining though. i like helping those i love when i can.
~Watched your favorite movie? : i don't have A favorite...so, yesterday is close enough...
~Had a nightmare? : a couple nights ago...*shudder*
~Last book you read: the vampire armand-anne rice...beautiful story.
~Last movie you saw: trainspotting...yesterday.
~Last song you heard: one by missy elliot
~Last thing you had to drink: tea...mmmmm
~Last time you showered: this mornin'...why does that sound like a pick-up line to me?
~Last thing you ate: cheerios and honey in a mug...
(survey lovingly stolen from souphead)
that first half reminds me of those "i am" poems we had to do in 8th grade english, sophomore english, creative writing, and psychology...i feel a need to cut pictures out of a magazine...yeah, or not. anyhow, taadaa...okay no more surveys, i promise. no, i don't, but no more for a while at least. okay, bye.
Mood:like i'm on hold for something
Music:bjork-homogenic
Monday, April 23, 2001
i can feel my heart beating through my jaw...
i just thought i'd share that realization.
your welcome.
stars shining bright above you
night breezes seems to whisper 'i love yoo'
birds singing in the sycamore treees.
dream a little dream of meee....
say nighty night and kiss me
just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
while i'm alone and blue as can be,
dream a little dream of meee...
Mood: flirty
Music:ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong
i just thought i'd share that realization.
your welcome.
stars shining bright above you
night breezes seems to whisper 'i love yoo'
birds singing in the sycamore treees.
dream a little dream of meee....
say nighty night and kiss me
just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
while i'm alone and blue as can be,
dream a little dream of meee...
Mood: flirty
Music:ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong
the clouds are moving in again... ignore ignore.
i need to distract myself...
i have to call some florists. i need a bunch of baby roses for my hair. it shall be grand.
i need
to
find
that carafe
of wine.
no. i don't. i need to write. i need to sing. what cd shall i listen to? erin's burned disc is calling me. come hither, come here. come play me. ooo, i second that. eherm... no. *sigh* where
oh where
oh huh...
it doesn't wanna play... i have no patience for this. NOFX it is...
sidney's pissed...
what? too loud? huh? I CAN'T HEAR YOOOO... i'm mean. kiss my arse.
i need something... let's go rumage...
Mood:all of the above.
Music:i say don't drink and drive, you might spill yer drink...
i need to distract myself...
i have to call some florists. i need a bunch of baby roses for my hair. it shall be grand.
i need
to
find
that carafe
of wine.
no. i don't. i need to write. i need to sing. what cd shall i listen to? erin's burned disc is calling me. come hither, come here. come play me. ooo, i second that. eherm... no. *sigh* where
oh where
oh huh...
it doesn't wanna play... i have no patience for this. NOFX it is...
sidney's pissed...
what? too loud? huh? I CAN'T HEAR YOOOO... i'm mean. kiss my arse.
i need something... let's go rumage...
Mood:all of the above.
Music:i say don't drink and drive, you might spill yer drink...
i love you all
i just woke with a start. i love dreaming, but i hate some dreams... it's not even the violent ones that i dislike, those have their own twisted beauty. the memory ones are what i hate. the ones that give way to brief self-reflection of actual events, how i should have handled them, how i let it go wrong. these ones are too judgmental, too plain and harsh. my conscience spitting poison.
i'm a little dizzy now...my heart is racing. no one is on to talk to, to pet my cheek and say "there there". but how selfish of me, they are all sleeping. sleep well my dears. *kisses each and every forehead* i'm going to go read. i don't want to sleep any more. i feel that i may cry. i hope the day improves.
Mood:shaky
Music:late-night cars and garbage trucks
i'm a little dizzy now...my heart is racing. no one is on to talk to, to pet my cheek and say "there there". but how selfish of me, they are all sleeping. sleep well my dears. *kisses each and every forehead* i'm going to go read. i don't want to sleep any more. i feel that i may cry. i hope the day improves.
Mood:shaky
Music:late-night cars and garbage trucks
Sunday, April 22, 2001
that's it! no more wine on school nights. what bad little parents, letting me down a third of the bottle... hehehee. but, on the other hand, i have to finish this painting and i need inspiration. AND, i'm thirsty and what goes better with steak than a nice cabernet? what? i defy you to think of anything...see? nothing. okay, perhaps a glass or two...
anyway, that was pretensious...don't you think? i do... damn. oh vell...i haven't anymore to say.
where is soup? eriiiinnnnn, where be you now... you MuST be home by now. i hope you found yerself a dress... i'm sure you'll be hot in anything though. erin and soosin walk in and blows 'em all away. i can see it now.... anyhow, i'm gonna go eat and drink and be merry... you all should do the say, i ya ken what i mean.
*kisses all around, especially there*
anyway, that was pretensious...don't you think? i do... damn. oh vell...i haven't anymore to say.
where is soup? eriiiinnnnn, where be you now... you MuST be home by now. i hope you found yerself a dress... i'm sure you'll be hot in anything though. erin and soosin walk in and blows 'em all away. i can see it now.... anyhow, i'm gonna go eat and drink and be merry... you all should do the say, i ya ken what i mean.
*kisses all around, especially there*
break time...
i'm taking a little break...i was working on my self-portrait and i couldn't stop laughing. that can't be good. i hate painting myself. one of my therapists used to make me draw myself (self-exploratory therapy stuff), and i would draw these twisted little thalidomide-style characters...i wish i still had them, they were cute. she didn't think so.
anyway, so now i'm looking at this canvas covered with...me. it's not very good, but it is funny. i have little geisha lips. my tea has grown cold though...*weeps* oh vell, i will survive. *sings all the way to the kitchen to put tea water on*
i'm back. *glee* i am such a slob. there's paint all over the looking-glass... oh how pretty. *adds more paint* perfect! maybe i should get back to work, nobody's on IM...*pouts like a mofo* i shall go. maybe i can salvage my portrait yet... lol... oh god.
Mood: artistic
Music:not till it halos all over you, i'll come over...
anyway, so now i'm looking at this canvas covered with...me. it's not very good, but it is funny. i have little geisha lips. my tea has grown cold though...*weeps* oh vell, i will survive. *sings all the way to the kitchen to put tea water on*
i'm back. *glee* i am such a slob. there's paint all over the looking-glass... oh how pretty. *adds more paint* perfect! maybe i should get back to work, nobody's on IM...*pouts like a mofo* i shall go. maybe i can salvage my portrait yet... lol... oh god.
Mood: artistic
Music:not till it halos all over you, i'll come over...
Saturday, April 21, 2001
my complete lack of contentment
i am dissatisfied with everything tonight. i go online only to get bored with it and log off. i turn on the tv only to discover that i don't want to watch anything. i ran a bath only to drain it and take a shower instead. i tried sleeping, but i just lie there unable to fall asleep. i can't read, my eyes keep skipping lines. i'm bored, but i don't really want to do anything. nor do i want to do nothing...*shoots self in head* there!
okay, perhaps not... i'm sure this will pass. in the mean time, i'm driving myself insane. dammit dammit dammit! i'm gonna go now. i suppose i'll watch tv/read/lie in bed/cook something i won't eat/wander around aimlessly. i need someone to distract me. i need chemicals. i need a swift blow to the head.
okay, perhaps not... i'm sure this will pass. in the mean time, i'm driving myself insane. dammit dammit dammit! i'm gonna go now. i suppose i'll watch tv/read/lie in bed/cook something i won't eat/wander around aimlessly. i need someone to distract me. i need chemicals. i need a swift blow to the head.
i am so tired today...*yawn and stretch* my little step-brother goes home tomorrow...ert...today. wow times flies when yer doing eight things at once. yippy skippy...back to hell with him. oh no, that's mean... *yawn* oh well. i'm sleepy... everything seems all far away and frigid... oh, i'm gonna go sleep before i babble anymore. nite all. *hugs all around...especially for you, you, and you, but not you...okay, fine you too* there. nite.
Mood:floaty
Music:i say don't drink and drive, you might spill your drink...=)
Mood:floaty
Music:i say don't drink and drive, you might spill your drink...=)
Friday, April 20, 2001
just to fill everyone in:
evidently i have no purpose. that is the general concensus. i haven't any purpose except to waste air, space, food, material, and time. taadaa. there you have me in a proverbial nutshell.
Thursday, April 19, 2001
going into further detail as a response for erin:
the safety dance is a terrible thing. all recordings of said '80s dance song should be scratched up, smashed up, and all remaining pieces of whatever scrap may be left should be burnt into a pile of hideous, molten, stinking rubish. then, those who attempt to reincarnate this vile song should be punished...severly. perhaps this is...oh, harsh, but there is no other song that can and does so frequently cause my skin to crawl in such a manner as the afore mention tune. i love '80s music with a passion, but as much as i love these (and excedingly so) i hate the safety dance. so, no, i did not thank you my dear erin. but i love you anyhow...just not your taste in some kinds of music...i don't think i need to specify which i am referring to
Music:guess which song i'm NOT listening to...
Music:guess which song i'm NOT listening to...
ball gowns and dumbasses
i just went and picked up my prom dress...i'm feeling rather girlie. i am, however, resisting the urge to wear it around the house... =) it's so cute. i wanna wear boots wif it...hmmm...i'll hafta get some. i need to talk to joseph and see if he's terribly against going out with erin and soosie befores or afters. i'll ask another time...i dun't wanna call now.
anyhow...if another person says, "whoa, tomorrow is 4/20...hehe..." i'm gonna shoot 'em! grow the hell up peoples. pssh... i must have heard that eight times today. the first person to say it tomorrow is gonna get smacked! i'm serious. okay...enough of that... i had all of this stuff to say...but now i really don't want to. so there. taaadaaa!
Mood: amused
Music:portishead, ella fitzgerald, etta james:girlie music..teehee
anyhow...if another person says, "whoa, tomorrow is 4/20...hehe..." i'm gonna shoot 'em! grow the hell up peoples. pssh... i must have heard that eight times today. the first person to say it tomorrow is gonna get smacked! i'm serious. okay...enough of that... i had all of this stuff to say...but now i really don't want to. so there. taaadaaa!
Mood: amused
Music:portishead, ella fitzgerald, etta james:girlie music..teehee
Wednesday, April 18, 2001
last night i dreamt that i was watching Peter Pan at the drive-in and i cut my hands off at the wrists. it was sort of calming in a way, i'm not sure why... it pissed me off when i started thinking about it later, though. how the hell did i cut off the second hand? the first one, i used my left hand and detached the right, but then how did i separate the left? i guess i'm just that talented, or else my dreams are just that inaccurite... mayhaps both. i haven't watched Peter Pan in a long time... maybe i'll rent it. not bloody likely. fuck disney.
Mood:blah...
Music:art room mix...
Mood:blah...
Music:art room mix...
Tuesday, April 17, 2001
i feel odd...things are going well, i'm not used to that. i am happy, i'm not really used to that either... i got my senior project done and handed in, i may graduate now... *exhales* i feel relieved and sort of deflated...what could this strange feeling be? contentment? is that it? do i have that in me? i don't knoooow...i'd really rather be a little stressed though... tension is good. this...this is too...serene. oh well...i'll cause stress in some other aspect of my life. i usually do. ho humm... how sad is it when you'd rather be at your wits end that content? that's me i guess... anyway, i guess it's nice, i'll graduate and then i can go...away. goodbye Lynden, hello...i don't know...anywhere but Lynden? that works for me. i doubt i'll really be happy in any one place, but if i get out of here and on my own, i don't have to settle. i am nomadic. =)
Mood:happy, serene, content, bored
Music:the tv in the other room...and cars going past my house..
Mood:happy, serene, content, bored
Music:the tv in the other room...and cars going past my house..
Monday, April 16, 2001
!troz
um...i thought i wanted to write. i guess i don't.
there's a voice in my head telling my to get back to work, but it sounds quite similar to the voice that tells me to do naughty things...if i listen to it now what will keep me from doing so on the bad occasions? dammit. i dunno. *explodes into a million pieces all over the floor* hm....
voice: get back to work!
kennapea: just a minute...i'm writing.
voice: yer not gonna graduate...
kennapea: what do you care?
voice: i caaaare...reeeeeaaally i do. and by the way...see the kid in the hallway? kick 'im.
kennapea: i can't kick, dumbass...elsewise i would have by now.
voice: fine, you gotta lighter, light 'im.
kennapea: do you realize how bad that would smell. i hate the smell of burnt hair...
voice: fine...bite 'im?
kennapea: i don't think so, i don't get that friendly with family...
voice: oh fine, get back to work.
kennapea: pssh.
anyway, yeah...you heard the man. i gotta go.
and joey ramone is dead...man...
Mood:nothing,no mood,it's all gone
Music:oh stuff...just stuff.
there's a voice in my head telling my to get back to work, but it sounds quite similar to the voice that tells me to do naughty things...if i listen to it now what will keep me from doing so on the bad occasions? dammit. i dunno. *explodes into a million pieces all over the floor* hm....
voice: get back to work!
kennapea: just a minute...i'm writing.
voice: yer not gonna graduate...
kennapea: what do you care?
voice: i caaaare...reeeeeaaally i do. and by the way...see the kid in the hallway? kick 'im.
kennapea: i can't kick, dumbass...elsewise i would have by now.
voice: fine, you gotta lighter, light 'im.
kennapea: do you realize how bad that would smell. i hate the smell of burnt hair...
voice: fine...bite 'im?
kennapea: i don't think so, i don't get that friendly with family...
voice: oh fine, get back to work.
kennapea: pssh.
anyway, yeah...you heard the man. i gotta go.
and joey ramone is dead...man...
Mood:nothing,no mood,it's all gone
Music:oh stuff...just stuff.
Sunday, April 15, 2001
within the past hour or so my voice has become all horse and gravely...just that fast. it doesn't hurt, it just sounds funny. oh my, what is a girl to do in this situation? sing dammit! and i have been! to everything...and as an added bonus, it pisses my sister off. :) i sang most of ...And Out Come The Wolves. in fact i'm singing right now.... hehehe... i worry myself sometimes... oh well! say good bye when you see me sign, now i'm crucified!... hehehee...i just got an evil look curtisy of sidney...*sings louder* HAHAAHHAA! she called me a frootloop! HAHAHAAA! *catches breath* WOOOooo... hehehe. *cough* maybe i'm sick! maybe i cannot return to school tomorrow... oh, wouldn't that be hooooorrrrrriiid? yes indeedily doo! teeeeerrible...imagine staying home all day... by my lonesome. it would be quiet in the house for once. whatever would i do? heheheehee. oh, i wish it would rain. playing in the rain sound fun right now... but, no, i finally want it to rain and it's merely overcast... *crosses fingers and hopes for downpour* OH! the eels...i can't sing loudly to this! hmmm...the living end? a little better... SEX PIStOLSSS!! yes! *dances around like a damned fool....and sings* bwahahaaa! oh. i'm a frootloop again! hahahaahhaa...ouch! that hurts my feewings... boohoohooohhaaahaahaa...
okay...now i have to go do...stuff. i haven't decided yet, but in case ya can't tell...i have too much energy right now and need to be destructive.... byeeee
okay...now i have to go do...stuff. i haven't decided yet, but in case ya can't tell...i have too much energy right now and need to be destructive.... byeeee
Mckenna Abbygale Bassett
MERCUTIO
O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the fore-finger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep:
Her wagon-spokes made of long spinners' legs;
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
The traces, of the smallest spider's web;
The collars, of the moonshine's watery beams;
Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film;
Her wagoner; a small gray-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Prickt from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that they dream on court'sies
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,--
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are;
Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep,
Then dreams he of another benefice:
Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And the dreams he of cutting foreign throatsm
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five-fadom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts, and wakes;
And, being thus frightened, swears a prayer or two,
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night;
And bakes the elf-locks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them, and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage:
This is she----
ROMEO
Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!
Thou talk'st of nothing.
MERCUTIO
True, I talk of dreams.
Which are the children of an idle brain,
i am mab.
O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the fairies' midwife; and she comes
In shape no bigger than an agate-stone
On the fore-finger of an alderman,
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep:
Her wagon-spokes made of long spinners' legs;
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
The traces, of the smallest spider's web;
The collars, of the moonshine's watery beams;
Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film;
Her wagoner; a small gray-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Prickt from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazel-nut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that they dream on court'sies
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,--
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are;
Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometime comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep,
Then dreams he of another benefice:
Sometime she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And the dreams he of cutting foreign throatsm
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five-fadom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts, and wakes;
And, being thus frightened, swears a prayer or two,
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night;
And bakes the elf-locks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled, much misfortune bodes:
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them, and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage:
This is she----
ROMEO
Peace, peace, Mercutio, peace!
Thou talk'st of nothing.
MERCUTIO
True, I talk of dreams.
Which are the children of an idle brain,
i am mab.
Saturday, April 14, 2001
what goes up....
ooohh...i've been happy for the most part all day today, now i'm gonna pay for it... in case anyone wasn't quite sure, yes, i am bi-polar. one minute i am gloriously, maniacally happy and then the next...yeah...you're smart, you figure out what comes next. well my friends, here it comes...it's like coming down from a buzz, all heavy and thick and slowed... i'm not sure how long it will last, i've been happy for a couple days, i think. let's hope the down-side doesn't last as long... oh well... ah shit...easter's tomorrow... family dinner. fuck. i'm done here
obscure memories...
when i was little, someone gave me this set of kids coloring books that talked about cleanliness and being a good friend and stuff like that. they even had little characters that told you how to act in every situation...one was good and one was a little imp. there were like seven of these books and they came with crayons. they were nice enough, i guess, but at the time i hated "kids books" with big print and little words (i started reading at 18 months of age and preferred more serious material), i guess at one point i ripped the set to shreads...i just founds a box full of pieces of moral books and coloring crayons... ahh memories. why would anyone keep this? we've moved at least 10 times since then. why would anyone pack this with us? it kinda makes me sad though...i can't even remember where we were living then...
Mad Girl's Love Song-Sylvia Plath
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moonstruck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
Mood: horny
Music:the living end-growing up
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moonstruck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
Mood: horny
Music:the living end-growing up
Friday, April 13, 2001
this is to all of those who aren't up and online...
damn you, you damn lazy slug-a-beds! and too erin: you were up and went back to bed?!?! *kicks erin...really really hard* blaaah... fine! you can all sleep longer, but you're all gonna make up for it later. look at me! i'm bored outta my skull! *is bored outta skull* see?
Mood:oh so lonesome...*pouts*
Music:the living end
Mood:oh so lonesome...*pouts*
Music:the living end
how sad...i got up this morning to rain, miserable, drizzly, cold, blasted rain. i love the rain, but not when it like this...it's all grey outside and my arthritis hurts. yeah, i have arthritis, since i was born in fact. no big deal, but whys it got to rain? tell me. erin, did you do this? figures! okay, no... i won't blame you...it's my fault. not sure how, but it must be. i'm gonna go make me some tea. anyone want some?
Thursday, April 12, 2001
oh god! i'm in such a strange mood. i'm considering exploding, just for the sensation of it. how odd that would be. granted, it wouldn't last long, but hey, nothing ever does. hm...this is the same rationalization that compels me to just off of a tall building... eegads. what a fuckin' rush that would be, though! but, don't worry. i won't jump or explode any time soon... i need to do something, though. i'm baby-sitting today. my siblings are going to my grandparents' house, so i was thinking, "right on. the whole damn house to meself!" (yes, that is actually the phrase that went through my head...word for word) but nooo. one of the guys my dad works with called and asked me to watch his kids.... it's no big deal i spose... i could take 'em down if i had to... they're only about three feet tall. they've been here for 3 hours and i've heard "i'm hungry" at least 20 times... time to bake cookies evidently...that's what they are saying... i best get to it then... ho hum... okay i'm going
Wednesday, April 11, 2001
ever have one of those days where you are just so blissfully happy that you question your own sanity? that is what today is. i'm not complaining, it's just odd...i love it, LOVE IT! *heavy breathing* oh my...not that kind... anyhow, i'm happy. no particular reason...i'm just going around with this dopey grin and frightening people. several have asked if i'm "up to something"...bah. give me a moment and i might be....
Mood:bliss
Music:none none none
Mood:bliss
Music:none none none
Tuesday, April 10, 2001
i'm better now...just in case anyone was wondering... i was just reading my last entry and...yeah. it bulges with self-pity. oh so bitter. i am doing considerably well now. jovial in fact. nearly to the point of frightening myself. if only erin was on... or tanya... or if sooosy was back. i am so lonesome... *sniff sniff* but i shall survive. i will. joyously in fact. see? *is all joyous and flittery and glowing* like a 30 watt. i can't go any brighter, i have sensitive eyes... i'm just babbling now. not that it's anything new or different but i am. OH! tanya IS on...oh now that i have to goooo. baahhh! i may cry. nope. still no tears... oh vell. later all. *kisses all around...especially to some*
fucking chemical imbalance. great, diagnose me and then what? nothing. is it suppose to make me feel better? "oh, well, you're bi-polar..." and? i knew that, i told YOU that. am i supposed to become normal because i know what my affliction is? it doesn't work that way. and no, i don't wanna talk it out. i'm fucked. there. taadaaa! oh, i feel soo much better. patronistic asshole. screw doctors. they wanna put me in counseling again. because what? it worked so well last time? kiss my arse. goddamnmotherfuckingassholedoctorsdontknowshit anddontlistenworthshit andiftheytellmeimspecialonemoretimeimgonnagofuckingposta landdecapitateanintern. fix that.
god, i need to breathe. i can't.
anyway, in closing, i'm fine. :) i just needed to babble. i'll go get some caffeine and whatever else i have lying around and i'll be dandy again...see watch...
Mood:i'm fine
Music:the radio...
god, i need to breathe. i can't.
anyway, in closing, i'm fine. :) i just needed to babble. i'll go get some caffeine and whatever else i have lying around and i'll be dandy again...see watch...
Mood:i'm fine
Music:the radio...
Thursday, April 5, 2001
i am sooo freaking cold! *shiver shiver* i'm in my bedroom and i can see my breath! that's cold! my fingernails have this blue-ish tinge to them... i made a fire a bit ago, but i don't think it's taking off. *puffs out breath* see? oh man. i suppose if i put more clothes on it might help. ooohhh, but they're waaay over there... here clothies clothies clothies...must train my cats. "go fetch" nope! they just stare at me...fuck you! bad kitty!
anyway, *goes to yell at fireplace* damn thing! my cat was drinking my tea....ewww... he can have it now... i'm gonna go... no. i probably won't. i never do. sad, pathetic li'l me. anyhoo...i'm bored. ciao.
Mood:freeeeezin' dammit!
Music:none...tooo far...hell yes, i'm lazy!
anyway, *goes to yell at fireplace* damn thing! my cat was drinking my tea....ewww... he can have it now... i'm gonna go... no. i probably won't. i never do. sad, pathetic li'l me. anyhoo...i'm bored. ciao.
Mood:freeeeezin' dammit!
Music:none...tooo far...hell yes, i'm lazy!
Wednesday, April 4, 2001
BOYCOTT!!!
by the way...i've decided i'm NOT doing anymore surveys! if you wanna know something about me, ASK YOUR DAMNED SELF! hahahaaa...*cough* unless someone comes up with an interesting one...screw 'em all. literally. okay, no. that would get messy and icky.
oh, watch: i'll probably end up filling one of those damned things out by the end of the blasted week...what's today? wednesday....yup by saturday...i have NO will power. how sad am i?
Mood:shall i reiterate? um...no.
Music:same as a few minutes ago. if you can't remember, make it up
oh, watch: i'll probably end up filling one of those damned things out by the end of the blasted week...what's today? wednesday....yup by saturday...i have NO will power. how sad am i?
Mood:shall i reiterate? um...no.
Music:same as a few minutes ago. if you can't remember, make it up
Monday, April 2, 2001
sick and noo caffiene...this is hell, i'm telling yoo...
oh maaan... i decided at 5 o'clock this morning that i didn't want to go to school, so i told my mother that i was sick. hey, and that way i could finish some work i am behind on and maybe clean my room 'cause it took me almost ten minutes to find my shoe yesterday and that just pissed me off. so, anyway, i pull the covers up over my head and fall blissfully back to sleep and when i wake up next, guess what, i'm sick! for reals. what the hell i was feelin' fine this mornin'...damn psychosomatic bull shit! i got a headache and fever and my tummy is very upset, and i tried talking to it and coming to some terms but it didn't work at all. AND, there is no pepsi in the house...i may cry. i'm gonna go now...i have some tears to shed.
Mood: aggravated
Music:NOFX-Kids Of The K Hole. and other stuff, but you don't care
Mood: aggravated
Music:NOFX-Kids Of The K Hole. and other stuff, but you don't care
ohhh. my heart is all fluttery. i just got out of the bath...i feel all warm and fuzzy. i'm wearing clashing jammies. AND i got pepsi! life is good...and not just because i'm easily amused...okay, maybe. the smurfs are on, too. if only there was someone here to talk to...but no, they're all gone. oh vell, i shall write to no one in particular. it's all good. i really don't even have anything to talk about...hmmm...perhaps it's story time... *clears throat*
once upon a time there was a girl named lola. lola was five-years-old and loved the holidays, so she was excited because it was the day before easter. her mother and she had just moved to be closer to family, and they had been filling her head with their plans to celebrate. her mother wasn't very festive and had always chosen not to celebrate holidays that the cult didn't allow, so the change excited lola.
easter morning, lola woke and ran to the living room to find a large basket of goodies with her name on it. she dug through it until she came across a huge chocolate bunny. she had never seen anything like it. minutes later, she had devoured it. lola loved easter. just then, the door bell rang. she jumped up and answered it to find her family over for easter festivities. after the greeting and mild conversations had died down, the family gathered in the kitchen, leaving lola in the living room with her basket. she was happily eating jelly beans when she noticed a small cage on the table with her name on it. upon closer inspection, she saw that it was a light-brown-colored bunny resembling the chocolate one she had enjoyed earlier. she wondered if it would have the same...characteristics, so she opened the cage, lifted the bunny, and bit. her family raced into the room to the sounds of her crying and lola no longer has any pets.
the most pointless moral of this most pointless story: not all bunnys taste like chocolate and some bite back. oh! like you could have done any better...
Mood: content
Music:tom waits-big in japan
once upon a time there was a girl named lola. lola was five-years-old and loved the holidays, so she was excited because it was the day before easter. her mother and she had just moved to be closer to family, and they had been filling her head with their plans to celebrate. her mother wasn't very festive and had always chosen not to celebrate holidays that the cult didn't allow, so the change excited lola.
easter morning, lola woke and ran to the living room to find a large basket of goodies with her name on it. she dug through it until she came across a huge chocolate bunny. she had never seen anything like it. minutes later, she had devoured it. lola loved easter. just then, the door bell rang. she jumped up and answered it to find her family over for easter festivities. after the greeting and mild conversations had died down, the family gathered in the kitchen, leaving lola in the living room with her basket. she was happily eating jelly beans when she noticed a small cage on the table with her name on it. upon closer inspection, she saw that it was a light-brown-colored bunny resembling the chocolate one she had enjoyed earlier. she wondered if it would have the same...characteristics, so she opened the cage, lifted the bunny, and bit. her family raced into the room to the sounds of her crying and lola no longer has any pets.
the most pointless moral of this most pointless story: not all bunnys taste like chocolate and some bite back. oh! like you could have done any better...
Mood: content
Music:tom waits-big in japan
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