it wasn't like that.
i wasn't given that chance.
i cringed and burst into flames,
but where were you?
you had already fallen to
their words.
you had fallen for the propaganda they
spewed
and left me to pick up the blame and be the fool.
meanwhile you agreed with what they said,
nodded like a doll,
and denied me like some gruesome accusation.
you grew too old, too high,
too clever for me,
for us all.
i wept the loss
and cursed your head.
but i also cooled,
hardened,
forgot your voice and the words
that used to seep from your lips
and surround me.
but i don't hear then anymore.
and i can't remember that last time
i felt the warmth
or the glow that you gave off.
my mind brushes the topic of
you from time to time,
but i don't dwell.
i haven't the time
to waste.
i haven't the strength of heart.
i can't remember what i used to feel,
but now i don't care.

Mood:carnivoroussss
Music:...nobody loves meee, it's true. not like you dooo...

HEY! guess who passeded their practice speechie thingie!



I SAID GUESS!


oh fine! I DID! shocked, aren't ya? i am. *exhales* *then inhales again* erin taught me that one...
OH! and soosie's star show was tonight! it was fantabulous! people who didn't show up suck, but hey, more moondoodles for the rest of us!
oh bugger! i have hiccups. i need sumfin to drink...oh, all the way in the kitchen... where's that damned house-boy when you need him? hmmm, i need one of those...or a trained chimp. no...house-boy. i need my pepsi! *hiccup* damn! oh! the independent spirit awards pre show is on... nahh. i'm staying put. how lazy am i? very, that's how! *hiccup* oh well...maybe if they last long enough i'll get into the guinness book of world records! i wanna guinness. no, no i don't... what was i thinkin'?
...it's only yooo who can tear me apart, and it's only yooo who can turn my wooden heart...*hiccup*
i can't sing wif hiccups! oh that's it... i'm going now... i am... see watch...

Mood: ecstatic
Music:my own hiccups and portishead....loverly combo...listen...

To: Soup

i need someone who lives to entertain me. is that too much to ask for?
hell no!
okay, maybe.
perhaps i should try to find someone to entertain, spend all my time making them feel all warm and fuzzy...
yeah, that sounds like me. uh huh.
or i could compromise and find someone to entertain and who will do the same for me...
or i could just forget the whole thing and fuck a stranger! YES!
what think you?
alright, i'm done now.

Mood: devious
Music:oh....stufff....

feel free to skip this entry...

there is a mouse in my room. in fact, on my desk, about 8 inches away from my wrist... no, not a pet. a wild, possibly rabid mouse. hhmm... what to do? i could ignore it. in fact, i just might. what lazy arse cats. where are they? i'll tell you. they both are on MY bed, sound asleep. LAZY! kitty, kitty, kitty... no response from cats or mouse. what a sad life i lead... hmmm... i dunno. i should make dinner. i am so unmotivated. chicken something, that's what i'll make. appetizing, no? i should go... yes, i will.

Mood: i dunno...who cares? noone!
Music: violent femmes-add it up...the album...yeah...

i'm keepin' my blood! all of it! you can't have aannyy.

what the hell. i went to donate blood, like the good little citizen i am, and they made me wait for almost an hour, and then told me that i don't have enough iron in my system. i didn't even get a cookie... oh well. i should go to class now... yeah, i should... yeah for woodshop. i want it to be friday right now! i can't wait for soosin's star show! georgia said she may loan me a shirt or sumpin'! i hope so...i have nothing to wear. at all. nothing... and i can't go naked to this. it's not that kind of star show! it may turn into that kind, but for now, it's not.

Mood: predatory
Music: beastie boys...and some other stuff but i wasn't listening

i just drank a whole bottle of water in 3 minutes!!! i give blooood in five minutes!!!!! an' then i get a cookie!! all right! and i get a nifty band-aid! i hope it's snoopy!

Mood: excited
Music:the village people-YMCA...it's part of the art room mix

oh man...i should probably do something. i really just want to...um...do nothing? yep, that about sums it up. soosy's putting on my glittery eyeliner...oooh baby. that shit is cool! it stays on all flippin' day! okay, i can see that you all really don't care...i was just sayin'...*pouts*
anyway, i can't wait for friday! soosin's star showie will be beautimus! we are supposed to dress up, but i have no clue what i am gonna wear... oh man...FOIL! all foil! um,...no. that would be terrifying! and cold. oohhoo... let's see. i've ran out of things to say. maybe, i should do my work stuff...i'm in art class right now. i love this class. i get to use all the art supplies that i can't afford. that's perty damn cool. yet, here i am, writing in my journal instead of art stuff...oh now i feel guilty. i should feel guilty anyway. i don't really that much, though. today is actually a pretty good day. fairly content-like. tomorrow i'm donating blood during second period. that'll get me out of math! how sad is it when i'd rather be drained of some of my blood than write out equations? endless equations, pointless equations... "you may need them depending on what career you enter," personally, if i entered a career where all i did was figure equation...i shoot myself. not to be dramatic or anything, but i just might. it wouldn't happen though. i don't understand why people are afraid of giving blood. it doesn't hurt any more than a pin prick or the likes. i figure i might as well donate. i've taken enough, so why not give back? i weigh a little less than their "requirements" but hey, i can take it... i'm used to it. and hey, dizziness might be fun! it usually is...
okay, i'm gonna go now. much love to whom ever may be reading this bit of literary randomness...

Mood: cheerful
Music:some weird ass mix playing in the art room...