frivilous

guess who's going to prom... i am. how silly... i know, but it's my last chance and it may be fun...who knows. and i'll get to get all dolled up! imagine me in a dress... NO, DON'T. the idea of people imagining me in anything is kinda scary... i'll imagine it. *imagine imagine imagine* hehehee. it will be great...okay, no it won't but hey...oh well. i haven't owned or worn a dress since...um...i think it was like six or seven... i had one for easter when i was 4, but half-way through the visit with family, i stripped it off and played in the rain in my slip... my mother was furious... ahh, memories. i loved that slip... i'll try to keep my dress on at prom, though... no promises. :) oh how girlie am i?

Mood: crazy
Music:voodoo glow skulls and rancid...oh and what's this... NOFX

I AM A FLIPPIN' MASTER OF DISGUISE!

any of you who don't yet believe that i am truely a genious...
today we had to go to this career thingy at the local community college (and when i say "we" i am refering to other people along with myself), and i saw this guy that i used to go to school with, before i moved here. we used to be friends until things got...oh, i'll spare you all the details and go with...weird between us. now it's just really awkward when we see each other. you know, "hi...um...how's..."it" going?" (why when it's uncomfortable betwixt people, does at least one of the parties feel a need to drawl out every phrase to it's maximum length? say it and get it over with!) anyhow, so today i saw him standing about 20 feet away and he started turning my way...so i put my hands over my eyes! hehehe. i think i fooled him. i'm so tricky!
muahaha! anyway, that was my excitement for the day...sad, no?
byeeee!

Mood: jubilant
Music:kitty purring on my shoulder...he thinks he's a parrot...

*sigh*

i'm feeling a little better now... i need to learn to breeeaaathe. people suck, though. me included... i'm a bad, bad person sometimes, so i guess i deserve to be treated like crap by others from time to time. keep me in line. oh well... i don't care. blahhh. why does it matter to me what people say? or, some people anyway... with most people, i couldn't care less what they think. then there's this minute fraction of the population that can actually hurt me if they choose...and they do. why do i let THEM matter? why would i care at all? *radiates luminous codependency* oh fuck me... i don't understand those who feel a need to make people feel like shit. if i upset anyone (and realize it), i feel horrid! i suppose that's just my weird guilt complex, though...

oh vell, that's them... i don't need them. i have better people to surround myself with. i shall do just that... i need to move on. i needed to have moved on long ago, but... i don't have an excuse for not. OH, OH! i thought of an excuse! i'm stooopid! that about covers it! taaadaa! *takes bow* yeah...

anyhooo...i'm gonna go enjoy tim amstrong's loverly...voice... oooh grrrr... calm calm.
*blushes*

okay, love yoo, buhbi.

Mood: okay
Music:punk-o-ramaaa 4...rancid...mmmm...

people are great. right entertaining. usually they just get on my delicate little nerves, but today...nope. they're kinda cute. i'm starting to worry myself. i'm in a really good mood. look at me! *grinning from ear to god knows where* there MUST be something wrong with me... *sigh* oh my! my living quarters are a disaster! i should clean... i should do something productive...i should paint. i left myself a comment at the art show saying, "GIVE UP THE ARTS!!!" i'm wondering if they will pass it on to me. probably not. but then, if they don't, it raises an interesting question...what else are they sensoring? they probably don't pass on the negative comments. the sensitive budding artists that we are. i happen to like the negative ones though! oh, and erin, you got some really sappy ones to read in class... "good luck in the future!" "way to go!" and such... i got "your drawing really makes me think" or something like that... how silly...
anyway, i'm done. much love to anyone who may be reading this... *kisses*

Mood: happy
Music:none to speak of...

here's yet another survey thing...i felt left out/bored...yeah...

um...i've never filled one of these surveys out so i figured i might as well...it's my first and last, so enjoy!

..basics..

name: elise "mckenna" abbygale bassett hudson

nicknames: mckenna (obviously), kennaPea (who'da thought?), um...you can call me anything you want though....

birthday: september 30, 1982

zodiac sign: libra...what's yours, sugar?

school: lyndenl high school, go lions! *cough cough* oh, now i'm all out of school spirit.

color of eyes / hair: hair|fading burgandy eyes|hazel

height: 3'6" or 5'5"...you choose

pets: cats|cat and pokey

..have you ever..

had an online romance?: i dunno...i flirt i guess. i like being in the same room wif someone, though.

been in a quiet room and screamed just to have noise?: yeah...or i sing. i hate silence.

left the country?: yeah...

been so drunk you blacked out?: not since i was 4-days-old... i hold liquer better now.

taken any illegal substances?: not proud of it...

gone out in your p.j.'s?: they're cozy

missed school because it was raining?: i LOVE the rain!

set yourself or a body part on fire?: not lately...? some people have too much time on they're hands

cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend?: ...he started it...

started dancing when there was no music?: maaaayyybe

pretended u were an opera singer?: no, i'm not talented enough to even try...

had an imaginary friend?: three...it was when i was little...they flew away eventually.

crashed into a public wall?: usually just doorjams

ever cried at a 'chick flick'?: oh. sometimes...i guess. couldn't name an instance...

had a crush on a teacher?: :)

done something stupid to impress your crush?: nope...

laughed so hard your drink came out of your nose?: hehe, no. but it's funny when it happens to others...i try to execute only one function at a time...it's safer that way.

laughed so hard you cried?: yes, often!

found a cartoon character attractive?: um...i don't think so...i could be wrong...i can't recall.

at anytime owned a 'new kids on the block' cd?: cd? no... tape? um...

called or seen a psychic?: well, there was this horse once and the damned thing had this really eerie talent...um, no.

planned your week based on the tv guide?: nooo...that's why there are reruns...

acted out of the ordinary?: ordinary based on what standards?

prank called someone?: yeah...it was lame.

been on stage?: yep...i cried in this one play in theatre class. it was great. and the next day i got to yell and make someone else cry.

gotten in a car accident?: nope...not yet

made homemade fudge?: i was bored and....

..favorites..

color/s: i love all colors

day or night: night. morning comes too early

type(s) of music: love it all....not new country, though. or the new "pop" crap. i guess i shouldn't have said i love it all then, huh? alright, most!

chick flick: dunno...i like lots of movies. i don't classify chick flicks, though.

actor: gabriel burns, tim roth, johnny lee miller...these are the only ones i can remember...

actress: bjork (...she was in a movie!), shirley mcclaine...

person: you know who you are

cd: right now? um...radiohead-kid A, rancid-...and out come the wolves, miles davis-kind of blue, bjork-homogenic...oh, there's more...lots...

place: away...

song: just one?

rapper: i dunno...not partial to any in particular

clothes: on who?

red or blue: violet

old madonna or new madonna: niether... why madonna? why no elvis? is she dead yet?

character on 'saved by the bell': don't bring that back!

character on dawson's creek: no, no, no!

character on the brady bunch: what! this is a weird-ass combination! saved by the bell, dawson's creek, and the brady bunch? who came up with these? what are you on? seek help...and get cable!

soap opera: none. my grandmother tapes them, but thank god it's not hereditary.

wrestler of all time: oh, all of 'em! if you can't think of any good questions, just give up.

n sync or 98 degrees?: ...as what, lunchmeat? housepets? oh, lemmee guess, action figures! ...so, i'd hafta go with...niether.

..friends..

do you have a best friend?: why rank friends? i love them all.

do you rank your speed-dial?: no...we for some reason have 911 listed as number 3, though.

who's your funniest friend?: erin and soosin make me laugh.

the end...
what a grand waste of time! okay, good evening.

Mood: artistic
Music:rancid, hole, operation ivy, radiohead, tricky, the cure...

the following is completely pointless...don't even bother reading it...it will kill brain-cells...

hhmmm...i've just realized that i have nothing to say... um... nope, nothing. that's it! i'm gonna sit here till i think of something to say...

nevermind... i'm gonna go fetch a pepsi. caffeine inspiration. that's what i need. maybe a cup of tea... perhaps a shower. or bubbly-bath. or the couch. oh...whatever. bye

Mood: bored
Music:none! oh noo... that's why this entry sucks! i know it!

it wasn't like that.
i wasn't given that chance.
i cringed and burst into flames,
but where were you?
you had already fallen to
their words.
you had fallen for the propaganda they
spewed
and left me to pick up the blame and be the fool.
meanwhile you agreed with what they said,
nodded like a doll,
and denied me like some gruesome accusation.
you grew too old, too high,
too clever for me,
for us all.
i wept the loss
and cursed your head.
but i also cooled,
hardened,
forgot your voice and the words
that used to seep from your lips
and surround me.
but i don't hear then anymore.
and i can't remember that last time
i felt the warmth
or the glow that you gave off.
my mind brushes the topic of
you from time to time,
but i don't dwell.
i haven't the time
to waste.
i haven't the strength of heart.
i can't remember what i used to feel,
but now i don't care.

Mood:carnivoroussss
Music:...nobody loves meee, it's true. not like you dooo...

HEY! guess who passeded their practice speechie thingie!



I SAID GUESS!


oh fine! I DID! shocked, aren't ya? i am. *exhales* *then inhales again* erin taught me that one...
OH! and soosie's star show was tonight! it was fantabulous! people who didn't show up suck, but hey, more moondoodles for the rest of us!
oh bugger! i have hiccups. i need sumfin to drink...oh, all the way in the kitchen... where's that damned house-boy when you need him? hmmm, i need one of those...or a trained chimp. no...house-boy. i need my pepsi! *hiccup* damn! oh! the independent spirit awards pre show is on... nahh. i'm staying put. how lazy am i? very, that's how! *hiccup* oh well...maybe if they last long enough i'll get into the guinness book of world records! i wanna guinness. no, no i don't... what was i thinkin'?
...it's only yooo who can tear me apart, and it's only yooo who can turn my wooden heart...*hiccup*
i can't sing wif hiccups! oh that's it... i'm going now... i am... see watch...

Mood: ecstatic
Music:my own hiccups and portishead....loverly combo...listen...

To: Soup

i need someone who lives to entertain me. is that too much to ask for?
hell no!
okay, maybe.
perhaps i should try to find someone to entertain, spend all my time making them feel all warm and fuzzy...
yeah, that sounds like me. uh huh.
or i could compromise and find someone to entertain and who will do the same for me...
or i could just forget the whole thing and fuck a stranger! YES!
what think you?
alright, i'm done now.

Mood: devious
Music:oh....stufff....

feel free to skip this entry...

there is a mouse in my room. in fact, on my desk, about 8 inches away from my wrist... no, not a pet. a wild, possibly rabid mouse. hhmm... what to do? i could ignore it. in fact, i just might. what lazy arse cats. where are they? i'll tell you. they both are on MY bed, sound asleep. LAZY! kitty, kitty, kitty... no response from cats or mouse. what a sad life i lead... hmmm... i dunno. i should make dinner. i am so unmotivated. chicken something, that's what i'll make. appetizing, no? i should go... yes, i will.

Mood: i dunno...who cares? noone!
Music: violent femmes-add it up...the album...yeah...

i'm keepin' my blood! all of it! you can't have aannyy.

what the hell. i went to donate blood, like the good little citizen i am, and they made me wait for almost an hour, and then told me that i don't have enough iron in my system. i didn't even get a cookie... oh well. i should go to class now... yeah, i should... yeah for woodshop. i want it to be friday right now! i can't wait for soosin's star show! georgia said she may loan me a shirt or sumpin'! i hope so...i have nothing to wear. at all. nothing... and i can't go naked to this. it's not that kind of star show! it may turn into that kind, but for now, it's not.

Mood: predatory
Music: beastie boys...and some other stuff but i wasn't listening

i just drank a whole bottle of water in 3 minutes!!! i give blooood in five minutes!!!!! an' then i get a cookie!! all right! and i get a nifty band-aid! i hope it's snoopy!

Mood: excited
Music:the village people-YMCA...it's part of the art room mix

oh man...i should probably do something. i really just want to...um...do nothing? yep, that about sums it up. soosy's putting on my glittery eyeliner...oooh baby. that shit is cool! it stays on all flippin' day! okay, i can see that you all really don't care...i was just sayin'...*pouts*
anyway, i can't wait for friday! soosin's star showie will be beautimus! we are supposed to dress up, but i have no clue what i am gonna wear... oh man...FOIL! all foil! um,...no. that would be terrifying! and cold. oohhoo... let's see. i've ran out of things to say. maybe, i should do my work stuff...i'm in art class right now. i love this class. i get to use all the art supplies that i can't afford. that's perty damn cool. yet, here i am, writing in my journal instead of art stuff...oh now i feel guilty. i should feel guilty anyway. i don't really that much, though. today is actually a pretty good day. fairly content-like. tomorrow i'm donating blood during second period. that'll get me out of math! how sad is it when i'd rather be drained of some of my blood than write out equations? endless equations, pointless equations... "you may need them depending on what career you enter," personally, if i entered a career where all i did was figure equation...i shoot myself. not to be dramatic or anything, but i just might. it wouldn't happen though. i don't understand why people are afraid of giving blood. it doesn't hurt any more than a pin prick or the likes. i figure i might as well donate. i've taken enough, so why not give back? i weigh a little less than their "requirements" but hey, i can take it... i'm used to it. and hey, dizziness might be fun! it usually is...
okay, i'm gonna go now. much love to whom ever may be reading this bit of literary randomness...

Mood: cheerful
Music:some weird ass mix playing in the art room...

"the crazy cat-lady down the street is talking to herself again, mommy..."

i feel displaced today. i don't really feel badly or unhappy, just not quite right. i got to school today and felt i didn't want to be there (not really anything new, i'll admit) and then i got home and felt the same way...oh bullocks! oh well, i'll dye my hair in a bit...and then...um...nothing. but hey that's enough excitement for one day...oh god, how sad. i need something or someone new...i am becoming cat lady! okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but i just changed the song on my stereo because it tripped the cat out. next time i'll just say, "too damn bad. if you don't like it, leave!"...oh no, then i'd be talking to it...i need a change or a distraction or...anyone have any suggestions?

Mood: worried
Music:rancid-sidekick and operation ivy-old friendships

i hate fast-food.
what a waste of building supplies.
the only thing i like from fast-food places is the ice.
but they look at you weird if yoo go and just order ice.
but, then again, that kinda makes it fun.
they actually argue with me, like i'm not sure of what it is that i'm ordering or that i don't know what i want.
how petty.
what a stupid topic.

i'm in an odd mood.
kinda floaty,
kinda mixed up,
kinda empty,
full of all these strange thoughts,
a little horny...
not that anyone wanted to know.
consider it a warning.
*grins and winks*
i've been talking to some people i haven't spoken to in a while...
it's really strange.

it made me really miss some and recall why i don't speak to others.
it's really crazy how time go by so fast.
i was talking to some people who i can remember playing house with and now one is getting married and one is getting divorced.
i mean, i know i'm quite a bit younger than them, but....
where the hell am i going?
i'm not sure what i'm doing in the fall let alone, like, three years from now!
oh my god!
i need to quit keeping in touch.
i talked to my cousin today though, well emailed...same there too.
my cousins who i used to play with are...grown up.
shit, man, shit...

new topic, that's gettin' me down.
i wanna say so many things,
but my mind can't organize them into any order,
so they all try to come out at once and it kinda sounds like, "sshhpplebbbfffttk" only louder.
my head is going too fast and i can't talk right...
i'm gonna go watch cartoons and try to slow my brain down a bit...

love you all muchly

ps. it spell checked "sshhpplebbbffttk--how else could yoo spell it?

Mood:wrong way through a marathon
Music:same old mixture...

you don't know me at all...

so, for the hell of it, i asked someone how they would describe me...
i guess it came up in conversation or something...
and what do i hear?
"um...morbid!"
morbid?
morbid.
why am i morbid?
i am happy.
what?
just because i find some... "darker" things amusing?
i don't get it.
i'm not really upset 'cause what do they know?
i just thought it was odd.
i wouldn't consider myself morbid...
sarcastic, yes.
facetious, hell yeah.
but nae morbid.
i don't know...
i guess it's a little too clicheic for me.
i'd like to think so anyway.
someone about a month ago said i was cold.
god, that's sad...morbid and cold.

is that how i appear to people?
should i be more cheery?
say, "hehe" more?
maybe i should just quite listening to people...
or at least talking it personally...i know better than that.
oh well, i don't really like judging people so i guess it pisses me off when people do it to me.

oh, man, i think i asked...out of curiosity, though.
but, curiosity killed the cat, right?
poor slain kitty...
why do i let people get to me?
i don't even really like people.
this just reaffirms that...

i'm done

Mood: contemplative
Music:radiohead-faithless, the boy wonder and operation ivy :)

wow.
i haven't written in so long.
not that it matters much.
but i was feeling kind of guilty thanks to someone(soosin).
so i shall write.
hmmm.
i am sooo painfully uninspired.
i need a muse.
i think the kitty is broken.
it's sitting on my desk with one eye shut, purring really loud.
why do i always have crazy pets?
my other cat is the size of a year old child and twitches for attention.
i had a turtle that only ate bologna
and a fish that kept running into the rock in it's bowl.
is this a reflection on me?
god, i hope not.

okay...new topic.
OH! senior writing assessment was yesterday.
that was terrifying.
i know i was prepared, i was beyond prepared.
i had planned what i was gonna say out in my head.
and then, i go in there and my mind went *pphhhttt*!
just like that.
i hate stuff like that.
when i write, i like to be able to write it and come back and check it later...this was tooo much pressure.
i guess it's good that it's over.
and i know i'll pass it.
it wasn't my best piece, though.
i wish we had been able to do it overnight or somethng.
oh well...it's over and i can check it off of my mental list.
oh, this topic is getting dull too.
or perhaps it's me who is dull...oh man!
this is quite distressing.
i should probably go now...
maybe i'll stumble upon something inspiring later.
until then...i don't know resume whatever you were doing.

*kisses*

Mood: apathetic
Music:radiohead-the bends...mmmm...

kitty kitty kitty....

i hate sick days.
today i showered threeee times and i still feel grimy.
that makes me sound like tile grout.
but i'm not, really!
i'm just cute little kenna-pea.
i think that if i stay in this house for one more day, i just my go completely insane.
i spent a half an hour today watching the kitten try to eat my shoolaces.
that is really sad.
i know, i was there.
why do antibiotics in pill form come so damned big?
if you're so sick that you need 'em, how do they think you're going to keep them...down?
sadists!
i tell ya.

hmm...i gotta do laundry...or perhaps i should wait for my sister to get home.
she actually like doing all that domestic stuff.
who am i to take that pleasure away from a little girl of...i think she thirteen...
oh that's bad of me...
yeah, YEAH she is i know...
hmmm, where was i going with this?
oh laundry...nope.
okay, yeah, i should...later.
i am just rambling!
oh no, this whole entry is just pointless!
a typing practice, that's about it!
oh, bugger all to hell.

oh well.
hmm...why do the carpenters have a "behind the music"?
or better yet, why am i listening to it?
why oh why didn't turn the television off?
oh no i used a preposition at the end of a sentence!
should i change it?
hell no, let it stand...hehehe...
i'm such a literary rebel!
okay, no.

okay, new matter.
i have a hole in my sweater!
well it's more like the whole sleeve.
the seam is coming undone and the sleeve is slowly detatching itself like a pissed starfish.
but sweaters don't regenerate!
they really don't.
you can leave them and come back in a week (when you remember where it is that you left it) and it's still in two completely seperate pieces...it doesn't even try.
sad really.
maybe it would be more effective to fix it rather than sit and lament about it.
i think i shall try that.

this is the most boringest entry EVER!
really, try to find a boringer one!
although...the starfish part is kinda funny...i
f you've ever seen one rip itself apart you'd know.
it's really gross, but kinda funny.
anyway, i'm gonna go take another shower...
ick...and congratulations to anyone who actually read through to this point.
i don't think i even did that.
i quit paying attention around laundry.
i guess that's quite evident though...
alright!
i'll stop now.

Mood: energetic
Music:house of pain-jump around

orville redenbacher wallpaper

i feel like shite.
i am nauseous, achy, and have chills.
everyone is walking around with t-shirts like its summer and i am shivering.

that's how i discovered the orville redenbacher wallpaper...
i was in the bathroom, soaking my hands in hot water because i was so cold that my nails had a blue-ish tinge.
i looked up and theres this little old man in the floral wallpaper.
it's quite clearly orville redenbacher.
damn him.
or perhaps if you squint it could be the colonel from M*A*S*H...
nope, it's orville.
you'd figure after five years of living in this house i would have realized it before.
then again perhaps it could be the fever.
great, i start hallucinating and i see the popcorn guy.

it kind of made me a little paranoid so i decided to go with mittens instead.
it's is surprisingly difficult to type with mitten on.
it takes way too much concentration.
i'm gonna go back to bed now.

nite all.

Mood: cold
Music:Radiohead-Kid A

Oohhh...pink!

i really don't have much to say today...
so why am i sitting here forcing meself to write?
It's a mystery...

it's 11:30 at night and i'm still in my bathyrobe because i was even motivated enough to get dressed, but i have my new pink glasses on...
what a babe am i?
i drank two bottles of gatorade today...so it wasn't a total waste!
mmmm, gatorade and almond joy.
i didn't even cook anything!
what a slug.
but hey, i got gatorade and rose-colored specs.
wow, how many times can i say gatorade?
hmm, gatorade!
there's another...

anyway, did i mention i'm still wearing my bathyrobe?
umm...yep...wow.
i have nothing new to talk about...

OH! i went to town with soosie yesterday...
that's something.
it was really cold.
so i guess i'm making up for it today.
*stokes fire*
toasty warm...:)
yesterday was fun...it would be nice if i had myself a job and money...
i had to budget so i have enough $ for next week.
oh man that's pathetic...
i should complain...
oh yeah cause that usually helps.
OH! i know what i'll do...
i'll take my gatorade and go watch ifc.
hehehe indie films with a rosy tint.
what a contradiction...
i love it.

alright, good nite.

Mood: lazy
Music:counting crows-colorblind...how sappy and gooey