today is shit.
i get these little bursts of energy where i run around like a mad woman and am all jovial. then it stops, and i feel deflated and thick and empty... does that make any sense? nothing i say or write makes sense to me today. i really need to go in for medication. i'm kind of apprehensive about doing so, though. i was on prozac when i was younger and it didn't do anything... i don't want to go in and have them say "oh yeah, this will work" and then have it not. i guess if i don't know either way at least i can hope something will... that logic is rather stupid. it works for me though. how fitting. i feel rather close to tears. shit. i'm gonna go sleep. adieu.
Mood:peachy keen...
Music:eels...
Wednesday, May 2, 2001
Tuesday, May 1, 2001
oh no! tomorrow we have to give speeches in Senior Planning. what a load of crap. i hate speeches... everyone staring, at me, and to me talk about myself. oh lard. AAANND, not only do we have to speak in front of the class, but mrs. roorda will be filming it with, get this, a video camera. for those of you not familiar with what that is: it's like pictures with sound AND movement. yes, i know, it seems a little odd to me too. then we get to watch ourselves on friday. oh torture (and not the good kind). *sigh* i wish i hadn't skipped so much already, i am up to my limit on absences... blah! i may cry... hehehe...that would make a loverly addition to my speech, no? ANd, i have yet to write the damned thing out. *hits head against wall...repeatedly* oh fun...i wonder if i can "pass"...most likely, no. worthless classs... arrgggh.
golly, what did i learn about myself as a person?
lol, not a whole damned lot.
let's see... i procrastinate? i already knew that, and it's the topic of 95% of the speeches...
i am a lazy-assed little twit? hey! dat might work...no. too similar to procrastination...
i...hate people! oh, that's nothing new...
i...may cry? hey, yeah...and then i could follow it up with an example! crrrrrap!
civil disobedience is an option. let's all walk out! c'mon. follow mee...no. the class isn't smart enough... i could use bribery! "i haaavve candy..." ert...no.
i'm gonna have to speak in front o' the claa aa aaaaassssss. grrrr.
golly, what did i learn about myself as a person?
lol, not a whole damned lot.
let's see... i procrastinate? i already knew that, and it's the topic of 95% of the speeches...
i am a lazy-assed little twit? hey! dat might work...no. too similar to procrastination...
i...hate people! oh, that's nothing new...
i...may cry? hey, yeah...and then i could follow it up with an example! crrrrrap!
civil disobedience is an option. let's all walk out! c'mon. follow mee...no. the class isn't smart enough... i could use bribery! "i haaavve candy..." ert...no.
i'm gonna have to speak in front o' the claa aa aaaaassssss. grrrr.
Monday, April 30, 2001
my attention span is nil today.
my poor aching body...someone needs to come give me a massage! now. or not... at least i get to sleep in tomorrow. oh watch, i'll get the chance to sleep in, and i'll be wide awake at 5am. i bet i will... oh vell, then i'll just stay in my jammies till i have to go. i'll go wake everyone else up 5 minutes before their alarms go offf! hehehee... i know, i'm malicious... lol.
i should go make dinner... i hate whiners. hehehe...oh lard! i am one. dammit.
i'm gonna go now... what in Dog's name should i make for dinner, huh? oh who knows. it shall be wonderfull... they don't care anyway. ingrates! okay, i'm off.
Mood:sore and unappreciated...
Music:lars friedrickson and the bastards...and rancid...
my poor aching body...someone needs to come give me a massage! now. or not... at least i get to sleep in tomorrow. oh watch, i'll get the chance to sleep in, and i'll be wide awake at 5am. i bet i will... oh vell, then i'll just stay in my jammies till i have to go. i'll go wake everyone else up 5 minutes before their alarms go offf! hehehee... i know, i'm malicious... lol.
i should go make dinner... i hate whiners. hehehe...oh lard! i am one. dammit.
i'm gonna go now... what in Dog's name should i make for dinner, huh? oh who knows. it shall be wonderfull... they don't care anyway. ingrates! okay, i'm off.
Mood:sore and unappreciated...
Music:lars friedrickson and the bastards...and rancid...
Sunday, April 29, 2001
i don't feel much like thinking, but i wanted to enter something...bored as hell. anyway, so i kiped this survey from...oh... this tinytassa chick. thanks, love.
1. Name: Elise McKenna Abbygale Bassett Hudson
2. Were you named after anyone? um, yeah. Elise McKenna was the name of Jane Seymour's character in "Somewhere in Time", and Abbygale was the name of my biological father's girlfriend.
3. Do you wish on stars? as a childish habit of desperation, yeah, sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? a while ago...
5. If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? buttercup from powerpuff girls.
6. Do you like your handwriting? i serves me well.
7. What are the # 1 priorities in your life? conquering all...it may take bloodshed, but we all have a price to pay...
8. What is your favorite lunch? diet coke. ahh, routine.
9. Any bad habits? hehe...yeah.
10. What store would you never be caught dead in? i don't shop much, but i don't limit myself as to which store i will and will not go into. if i find what i need, i don't care where i got it from.
11. If you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? no, probably not, too much competition...and i am too moody. i hate that.
12. Are you a daredevil? i can be, when the mood strikes. why? whatcha planning?
13. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? no, not really. i am concerned with myself sometimes, but i can deal.
14. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't? yeah, but i felt bad afterwards...
15. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah, i...add to #9...
16. Do looks matter? ideally i'd love to say no, but yeah...it's what you notice about a person first...well, in real life. i don't disassociate myself with a person just because they aren't pretty, but most people do gravitate towards people they find somewhat attractive.
17. Do you pray? when i feel the need to, though it's probably closely related to #3.
18. Have you ever met anyone famous? no, not that i recall... the future famous perhaps. my friends are destined for greatness.
19. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? um...considering it's an optical illusion and not tangible, i highly doubt it...but hey, ya neva know...
20. Are you trendy? nope!
21. Are you passive or aggressive? passive/aggressive. i am ambiguous. i am also fond of love/hate.
22. Who is your idol? don't have one. i'd rather work on becoming my own. and yours.
23. Who is your second family? my first one is extensive enough, why have two?
24. There is no 24: is that like there is no 13th floor? how silly.
25. What was your favorite toy as a child? g.i. joe.
26. Have you ever been on radio or television? yeah. yippy skippy.
27. Ever kissed your friends (girl-boy) friend? yes...damn urges...
28. Do you have a journal? hu uh
29. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? yep. i feel much guilt every time i do though...
30. Do you like sarcasm? nah. i feel that people should just say what they are thinking straight out, without playing all of these mind games. *coughcough*
31. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? nah.
32.Do you feel understood most of the time? i don't understand me most of the time. that would be so boring anyway.
33. Do you know what `xylom` is? a fictitious word used to make the person filling out the survey feel inadequate. or a typo. xylem is woody tissue of plants.
34. Do you have a nickname? kennapea, little sister, kenna, ken, lisie...kennapea is the current...
35. Could you be a vegetarian? if i tried, yeah. but i don't want to be.
36. Would you ever bungee jump? it's doubtful. there are more fun ways to get a rush.
37. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? nope, i wear boots with zippers.
38. What are you worried about right now? too much to get into right now...actually, i was filling out this mindless survey to distract myself from all of that, but i guess that didn't work, now did it? thanks! *coughcough* this is a small addition to question #30...
39. Do you ever wear overalls? oh lard, no.
40. Do you think you are strong? in comparison to what standards? i am strong enough to suit me..
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? i don't eat ice cream all that often...but vanilla is okay.
42. What class in school is a useless Class? there are no useless classes...all class are in place to benefit someone. people have different interests and priorities, so there needs to be a wide variety of classes to insure that everyone has the opportunity to get the education they need to succeed in life. then again, outdoor education was pretty fucked up.
43. Have you ever been in love? i have been in a state that i took for love at the time...lots of times...but i was mistaken. silly me.
44. Have you ever had your heart broken? yep. lots... but hey, "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger", right? right?? yeah, right.
taadaaa...yeah.
Mood: predatory
Music:sublime
1. Name: Elise McKenna Abbygale Bassett Hudson
2. Were you named after anyone? um, yeah. Elise McKenna was the name of Jane Seymour's character in "Somewhere in Time", and Abbygale was the name of my biological father's girlfriend.
3. Do you wish on stars? as a childish habit of desperation, yeah, sometimes.
4. When did you last cry? a while ago...
5. If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? buttercup from powerpuff girls.
6. Do you like your handwriting? i serves me well.
7. What are the # 1 priorities in your life? conquering all...it may take bloodshed, but we all have a price to pay...
8. What is your favorite lunch? diet coke. ahh, routine.
9. Any bad habits? hehe...yeah.
10. What store would you never be caught dead in? i don't shop much, but i don't limit myself as to which store i will and will not go into. if i find what i need, i don't care where i got it from.
11. If you were another person, would you be friends with YOU? no, probably not, too much competition...and i am too moody. i hate that.
12. Are you a daredevil? i can be, when the mood strikes. why? whatcha planning?
13. Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? no, not really. i am concerned with myself sometimes, but i can deal.
14. Have you ever told a secret you swore you wouldn't? yeah, but i felt bad afterwards...
15. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah, i...add to #9...
16. Do looks matter? ideally i'd love to say no, but yeah...it's what you notice about a person first...well, in real life. i don't disassociate myself with a person just because they aren't pretty, but most people do gravitate towards people they find somewhat attractive.
17. Do you pray? when i feel the need to, though it's probably closely related to #3.
18. Have you ever met anyone famous? no, not that i recall... the future famous perhaps. my friends are destined for greatness.
19. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? um...considering it's an optical illusion and not tangible, i highly doubt it...but hey, ya neva know...
20. Are you trendy? nope!
21. Are you passive or aggressive? passive/aggressive. i am ambiguous. i am also fond of love/hate.
22. Who is your idol? don't have one. i'd rather work on becoming my own. and yours.
23. Who is your second family? my first one is extensive enough, why have two?
24. There is no 24: is that like there is no 13th floor? how silly.
25. What was your favorite toy as a child? g.i. joe.
26. Have you ever been on radio or television? yeah. yippy skippy.
27. Ever kissed your friends (girl-boy) friend? yes...damn urges...
28. Do you have a journal? hu uh
29. Have you ever intentionally hurt someone? yep. i feel much guilt every time i do though...
30. Do you like sarcasm? nah. i feel that people should just say what they are thinking straight out, without playing all of these mind games. *coughcough*
31. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? nah.
32.Do you feel understood most of the time? i don't understand me most of the time. that would be so boring anyway.
33. Do you know what `xylom` is? a fictitious word used to make the person filling out the survey feel inadequate. or a typo. xylem is woody tissue of plants.
34. Do you have a nickname? kennapea, little sister, kenna, ken, lisie...kennapea is the current...
35. Could you be a vegetarian? if i tried, yeah. but i don't want to be.
36. Would you ever bungee jump? it's doubtful. there are more fun ways to get a rush.
37. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? nope, i wear boots with zippers.
38. What are you worried about right now? too much to get into right now...actually, i was filling out this mindless survey to distract myself from all of that, but i guess that didn't work, now did it? thanks! *coughcough* this is a small addition to question #30...
39. Do you ever wear overalls? oh lard, no.
40. Do you think you are strong? in comparison to what standards? i am strong enough to suit me..
41. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? i don't eat ice cream all that often...but vanilla is okay.
42. What class in school is a useless Class? there are no useless classes...all class are in place to benefit someone. people have different interests and priorities, so there needs to be a wide variety of classes to insure that everyone has the opportunity to get the education they need to succeed in life. then again, outdoor education was pretty fucked up.
43. Have you ever been in love? i have been in a state that i took for love at the time...lots of times...but i was mistaken. silly me.
44. Have you ever had your heart broken? yep. lots... but hey, "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger", right? right?? yeah, right.
taadaaa...yeah.
Mood: predatory
Music:sublime
silly
i missed my computer. i just got home. a whole evening was just too long to be away...hehehe... how pathetic.
okay, here goes my commentary on prom. prom was....hmmm...hehe. it was silly. some people were taking it so seriously. it's high school prom, for christs sake! calm the hell down. i was being "immature" evidently...
oh! and, i was in between 30-50 pictures yesterday alone. it was horrifying. oh well...i guess i survived...maybe... it may be too soon to tell. the pictures haven't been developed yet.
next: joseph. he was such a gentleman. overly so. not that i like complete ass-holes or anything like that, but...it is possible to be too polite. it really is. i mentioned that i should get something to drink, and he sprinted off to go get me a diet coke, as in, he pays attention to what i drink. or he's trying to tell me something...hmmm... no. then, erin ordered (yes, ordered) him to go find tanya, so he set his cup down and went to search for her. he...i don't know. all that chivalry makes me uncomfortable. perhaps i'm just not used to it... i don't know. he's very sweet though. how can i say anything bad about someone who tries so hard. so hard to what, though? please me? ha. why? *enter cynicism*...
okay, next topic... erin and soosin were the hottest things there! oh my blessed word! if they weren't friends, i might have made a move on them... =) ya never know! hehe.
hmm...next... after! i love rum and coke. i wish i hadn't had those three cups of battery-acid-style coffee before-hand, though... that much caffeine along with the drink was...well, fun really, but yeah...hehe. i guess the coffee was a nice touch. tasted horrid though...
oh man, i'm tired...i think i'm gonna go take a nap... so. yeah. i'm done writing. bye.
Mood: tired
Music:nonnnnee...silence is grand
okay, here goes my commentary on prom. prom was....hmmm...hehe. it was silly. some people were taking it so seriously. it's high school prom, for christs sake! calm the hell down. i was being "immature" evidently...
oh! and, i was in between 30-50 pictures yesterday alone. it was horrifying. oh well...i guess i survived...maybe... it may be too soon to tell. the pictures haven't been developed yet.
next: joseph. he was such a gentleman. overly so. not that i like complete ass-holes or anything like that, but...it is possible to be too polite. it really is. i mentioned that i should get something to drink, and he sprinted off to go get me a diet coke, as in, he pays attention to what i drink. or he's trying to tell me something...hmmm... no. then, erin ordered (yes, ordered) him to go find tanya, so he set his cup down and went to search for her. he...i don't know. all that chivalry makes me uncomfortable. perhaps i'm just not used to it... i don't know. he's very sweet though. how can i say anything bad about someone who tries so hard. so hard to what, though? please me? ha. why? *enter cynicism*...
okay, next topic... erin and soosin were the hottest things there! oh my blessed word! if they weren't friends, i might have made a move on them... =) ya never know! hehe.
hmm...next... after! i love rum and coke. i wish i hadn't had those three cups of battery-acid-style coffee before-hand, though... that much caffeine along with the drink was...well, fun really, but yeah...hehe. i guess the coffee was a nice touch. tasted horrid though...
oh man, i'm tired...i think i'm gonna go take a nap... so. yeah. i'm done writing. bye.
Mood: tired
Music:nonnnnee...silence is grand
Friday, April 27, 2001
VAPID
oh crap. i have to pick up my flowers, alter my dress, go tanning, and other girlish type things to get ready for prom tomorrow. okay, so here's the plan so far:
*go out to dinner with joseph to olive garden or something
*go to the prom
*enjoy the ambiance...*coughcough*
*go to denny's to meet erin, soosin, erica and darren...
*get dropped off at home
*humor my parents in their questioning..."did you have fun?" "did you dance?" clever crap like that...
*get dropped off at Tanya's and enjoy the rest of the evening... =)
i can't wait to get dropped off! oh...i feel badly for my little escort boy... hehe oh vell. i think i may be getting a little too excited, but you know what? fuck that! i'm gonna have fun! or make my own fun... muahaha!
Mood: bouncy
Music:davematthewsbandiebandiebandie
*go out to dinner with joseph to olive garden or something
*go to the prom
*enjoy the ambiance...*coughcough*
*go to denny's to meet erin, soosin, erica and darren...
*get dropped off at home
*humor my parents in their questioning..."did you have fun?" "did you dance?" clever crap like that...
*get dropped off at Tanya's and enjoy the rest of the evening... =)
i can't wait to get dropped off! oh...i feel badly for my little escort boy... hehe oh vell. i think i may be getting a little too excited, but you know what? fuck that! i'm gonna have fun! or make my own fun... muahaha!
Mood: bouncy
Music:davematthewsbandiebandiebandie
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